My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just pee around me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
