she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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