I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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