I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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