thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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