Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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