omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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