And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
