He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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