Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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