Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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