Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
