Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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