Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
