the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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