we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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