Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
how drunk are you?
Several
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
