And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize