he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
