My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am available for nakedness
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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