Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
