I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
