All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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