I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
