no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As shirtless as possible
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
