There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
