using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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