I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Houston, we have a squirter
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
