just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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