Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
