Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
