God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
