Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize