How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
