Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
