if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
