Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
