I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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