i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
