She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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