Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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