I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize