I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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