i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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