I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
