Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
