sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
