just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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