Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How does one acquire holy water?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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