I am in a vortex of obligation.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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