as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
