he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize