After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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