i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
