Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
