his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
