he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
