Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
