I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The best revenge is premature balding
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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