Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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