Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
