You just made me feel so damn special
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
