girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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