yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize