yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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