Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
