i think i have two assholes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
