I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
