I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
