I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
