tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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