if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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