im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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