I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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