someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
where am i from again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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