he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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