I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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