I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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