I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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