happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm having to shit out rocks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
