pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
