White coat. Heels.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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