Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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