Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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