Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
