im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
