I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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