I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
