I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
