it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
