the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
