there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
