You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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