I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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