First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need a beard to bite.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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